The Not-So-Incredible Crash Dummies

There is a term that is used in prison for dumb guys . They are referred to as "crash dummies". A crash dummy is someone who, upon coming to prison, continues to show reckless disregard for the rules. For enjoyment, here is an example from last night.

One of the guys in the dorm has been wanting to get tattoos and apparently wants them quickly. He commenced to set upon a candle to make ink but you may be wondering where you light a candle in a place with no source of flame. Simple: short the power outlet to cause sparks and ignite the candle wick. Now you have to worry about the smoke caused by the flame, so what do you do? First, you take the candle to the bathroom away from the smoke detectors, then you flush continuously to keep sucking the smoke down the toilet.

However, this crash dummy left the candle smoking, stinking up the whole dorm. Oh no! What if a guard comes in and smells everything? Again, a simple solution, crash dummy style: toss baby powder into the air to mask the odor. Now, imagine this going on for 30 minutes and you have an idea of what a crash dummy is.

And to top it all off, he wanted to go ahead and make the needle that night. Instead, he waited a day and knocked out both our water fountain and bathroom lights trying to get electricity for the motor. This is the idiocy that I live with.

A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

" Ever since the Christmas of '53, I have felt that the yuletide is a special hell for those families who have suffered any loss or who must admit to any imperfection; the so-called spirit of giving can be as greedy as receiving - Christmas is our time to be aware of what we lack, of who's not home."