For much of the day I had a mystery cellmate. I was moved out of the new arrival dorm into a more permanent spot. When I dragged all my stuff into the cell, I saw all the signs of an inhabitant but nobody around. No one claimed to be my cellmate in the dayroom either. After I finished unpacking, I went to the library to ask about a job.
When I arrived on the unit the education coordinator told me she would look into the library job and let me know if it was available when she called me in later that week. I still haven't been called in, so I figured I would go straight to the source. The librarian told me she could use an extra person. Step one complete. I happened to see the education coordinator in the hall and asked her if she remembered my request. She said yes and wondered if the librarian needed anyone. I told her what the librarian had just told me. About twenty minutes later the librarian came to tell me "Looks like I'm going to be your new boss." Step two complete. Now I wait for the job slip.
Back at my cell with a new book to read and new hopes for a better job, I still didn't see my cellmate. Who could it be? What's he going to be like? From the artifacts I could see - a Bible and Christian books - I gathered some idea. There as the call for rec so I was off again. Maybe I'd find out who the mystery man was when I got back.
No such luck. Even after dinner I didn't know who I was going to be living with. It wasn't until after my Bible study this evening that I came home to another person in the cell. The mystery man was here. He is a young Christian guy, both physically and spiritually. He told me he has education in the morning and works the rest of the day in the kitchen. It looks like we'll click well.
This spot seems perfectly prepared for me. I have the cell to myself all day for reading, writing and study. My cellmate is a Christian who I can both nurture and learn from. We probably won't butt heads much, if at all. It's as if God looked at my personality and habits and found the perfect fit.
We had our second of three exams in Anthropology today. As I walked out to the education building I realized I had forgotten about it all weekend. I barely got a chance to look over my notes before going into the classroom. I didn't expect to ace this one like my other exams this session.
I sat down at my desk waiting for the exam to be passed out while information was flying through my head in a final attempt to get organized. When I received my exam, I whipped through it with no problems at all. Every answer seemed obvious to me. About twenty minutes later I turned it in.
By the end of class we had our tests graded and handed back. I had aced this one. Even without studying beforehand, I scored a 100. These classes just don't seem to be taught on a college level. It seems more like extended high school. Is this really preparing me for a challenging university or career in the future?
Despite yesterday's entry, I am beginning to feel like this life is normal. I'm used to being wakened at any hour for whatever reason - noise, food, count, searches. As much as I don't like it, I've become used to the overwhelming negativity of inmates and guards. I'm no longer surprised by stupid rules that pop up out of nowhere when a guard wants their way.
Every day that I go to school is like an escape. There I am a person with a voice, opinion, intellect, and name. It's a reminder of what I'm working toward. The classes are almost like the classes that I was taking before I was arrested. We just can't leave whenever we finish, and all the students wear remarkably similar clothing. The instructors don't have a bias against any of us that I've seen and about half the guys in class actually have good comments and questions. It's great to be around (some) people who use their brain. I can't wait to get back out and away from this world that has become normal for me.
My dad came down today for a visit and we were able to talk about some deep and tough stuff with each other. I've been having some hard times recently with being here. I feel like I've already learned what I came here to learn and now I just want to go home.
I know I'm not finished learning because there is always some way I can take in more wisdom. I would rather learn with family and friends nearby because I am tired of this experience.
The only thing that is really worth anything to me here is the school. The classes are a blessing., but even those I would be able to take outside prison. I feel surrounded by ignorant, stubborn guys who won't listen to reason or even the littlest things. School is the only place where I can have intelligent conversations, but even in that setting there are not too many people really want to learn to change their wrong thinking. School is just something for them to do.
I want to continue my life instead of living at a standstill. I also have some relationships I feel like I need to reconcile and I don't think much fixing can be done from my current position. I continue to pray and have faith foe release in God's timing.
This morning I woke up for breakfast at 4:30 AM to discover that the french toast had been replaced by pancakes because the kitchen workers forgot to set out the bread to thaw. If I was at home I would just nuke a few slices and then put them in the pan, but I guess that's a little tough to do for 500 plates. I don't think they have a microwave anyway.
Around noon I had to go to the education building to take the THEA test ( Texas Higher Education Assessment).I thought I had taken it back at community college to get into a math class that I wanted to take, but I guess the records disagree. The five hour test covering math, reading, and writing took me two and a half hours to complete. Standardized tests always seemed like a waste of time to me. Not a fun way to spend the afternoon, either. I guess it's worth it to get some more college hours under my belt.
Last night some guys gave Shadow a birthday beating. Five of them surrounded him and just pummeled him with blows for about a minute. It's another one of those prison things that I don't understand. I suppose it's because they have nothing else to give except bruises. Seems stupid to me.
Another guy was complaining about the education offered here, saying that it's worth nothing because no one will hire a felon once he gets out of prison. He said that he will just go back to making and selling dope. I told him about people that I've heard about and know that get successful jobs when they get out of prison. It's all in the attitude you approach your freedom with.
I saw a great example of this on PBS's Forgotten Genius featuring Percy Julian. He was a black
man who was the foremost premier chemist in the US during the 40's, 50's and 60's, and fought all odds of prejudice to get where he was. All it takes is ambition and a positive attitude and a person can overcome almost anything in this country.
Turns out I am much closer to home now in a new TDC facility that is a converted TYC (Texas Youth Commission) facility that was shut down last year. I actually toured this unit when I was on juvenile probation for my current charge. They've changed a few things but it's still raggedy and feels like you live underground in a bomb shelter, never going outside or seeing the sun for any amount of time. Not good for a guy who loves the outdoors.
The whole unit is an education unit for offenders up to 27 years old so no older guys to be a mentor to me. The idea behind the unit is cool - setting up young felons with an education and skills for their release. I will be able to accelerate my associates degree while here, hopefully being able to use my first year at community college for credit. But I don't want education in prison because I should be outside getting my education from the same honors program I started with and that the justice system took away from me. Thanks, TDCJ, for stealing my education and giving me a half-rate one instead.
*Learning in Wartime - C.S. Lewis
"If men had postponed the search for knowledge and beauty until they were secure, the search never would have begun... Life has never been normal. Even those periods which we think most tranquil turn out to be full of crises, alarms, difficulties, and emergencies.
There is no question of compromise between the claims of God and the claims of culture, or politics, or anything else. God's claim is infinite and inexorable. You can refuse it, or you can try to begin to grant it. There is no middle way. Yet, in spite of this, it is clear that Christianity does not exclude any of the ordinary human activities. The solution of this paradox is, of course, well-known to you. "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."
A cultural life will exist outside the church whether it exists or not. To be ignorant and simple now - not to be able to meet the enemies on their own ground - would be to throw down our weapons and to betray our uneducated brethren who have, under God, no defense but us against the intellectual attacks of the heathen. Good philosophy must exist, if for no other reason, because bad philosophies need to be answered."
For much of the day I had a mystery cellmate. I was moved out of the new arrival dorm into a more permanent spot. When I dragged all my stuff into the cell, I saw all the signs of an inhabitant but nobody around. No one claimed to be my cellmate in the dayroom either. After I finished unpacking, I went to the library to ask about a job.
