Not a Win-Win Situation

While working today, ideas that I've been reading about came alive for me. A few books have mentioned prison industry as not only a stimulus to the economy but also a way for prisoners to gain a new skill to use when they get out. I've read that places that use such programs for their inmates see a much lower recidivism rate than we see here in Texas (which has alarming recidivism rates (pg.4) however you look at it..) Inmates provide service for the outside world and further their marketability.

As it is here, we have four hoe squads that have about forty people each and are not much different from the legendary chain gangs. The only difference is that we are not linked together on a chain and we can walk freely. We still experience the brow-beating insults from the bosses and the almost meaningless manual labor.

For example, today our squad of twenty-five (about fifteen are enrolled in classes) spent four hours from 7:30 a.m. until 11:30 a.m. tilling and making rows on a 1/3 acre plot of land while continuously being yelled at and insulted.We didn't even finish making rows on the plot, leaving about four rows undone.

I got to thinking that the work that we did, the twenty-five of us, could have been done by one person using a tractor and a couple of different accessories in maybe two hours. So not only would the work have been completed but you would also have twenty-four other guys to train and put to work doing something useful. Honestly, what business today would hire a person who has been using a hoe to manage land for the past few years? How backwards is this prison system? Not even farmers today work their land by hand like we inmates do.

It would help us inmates and many businesses if we were used for relevant business activity such as manufacturing, assembly, phone support, or anything other than the senseless hitting the ground that we do now. For the first time in history this country has 1 in 99 citizens behind bars. Give inmates training and exposure to a business and in return receive one of the largest workforces on the planet. Win-win.

Keeping the Doors Open

I just read a section in The World is Flat that got me thinking about my future. For the last few years I have been chasing education in graphic design with the goal of eventually starting my own firm overseas to do advertisements, commercials, and identity consulting.

Then last year's geology course wakened in me an interest in the earth and how it works. I could see myself working for the USGS doing surveys in the Cascades, hiking for a living.

In the passage I read tonight Friedman brings up the future (and really current) need for mathematicians. I have long had an interest in how numbers interact in the real world, always poring over infographics in magazines and posing questions in my head about the data I was seeing and what it means. I also have a moderate ability in mathematics, though I've probably lost a lot over the past few years away from numbers.

I guess I'm still struggling to balance my aptitude with my attitude toward a specific discipline. I know I'll have great opportunities whatever I choose, but it's still kind of daunting to think that one career could be my choice for life. I want all options to be available at any moment, no closed doors along the way. Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.

The Rube Goldberg Method, Prison Style

Once again we didn't go out to work today. Instead I tried to rest off the cold/flu that has attacked me. I couldn't sleep at all because of pain in my head combined with light and noise around me. Maybe it will be gone by the time my folks show up this weekend.

Yesterday at dinner someone pulled the fire alarm. Most everyone filed out of the dining hall but those that were eating were left behind. To fix the problem, since the alarm could not be reset in the original position, the officers taped up the alarm tightly. So now if there really is a fire the alarm is inoperable and all the doors are locked. Sounds like a great opportunity to sue the state. I almost wish something would have happened. (Who is Rube Goldberg?)

Bald is Beautiful

Not even an hour after writing the last entry a flood of mail came in for me. What an answer to prayer! Thanks, God!

We haven't been out to work at all this week which has made the week go by sluggishly. I have passed my time by reading and working out on my normal schedule (M/W/F). Yesterday I went to rec early because I would have missed afternoon rec doing my law library research. I should probably make a habit of that because there were only five people out there, which made for easy access to weights.

At the law library I found a few things that could help me out. Unfortunately legalese makes it tough to find what you're looking for and you don't really know exactly what you're looking for anyway.

Last night there was a wave of head shavings in the dorm. Jack led the group with the excuse that his dandruff was getting bad. He then convinced five others to follow his example. I refused because I like my locks, but now there is a crew of skinheads in the dorm. Kind of intimidating...

A Friend on the Inside

Last Tuesday I had a new neighbor move into the bunk next to me. Ortiz was known for his D&D prowess but over the past week I've come to see him as a friend. This past weekend we stayed up till odd hours of the night talking about family, C., his girlfriend, God, whatever came to mind . Unfortunately he left this morning to go to a new unit. I was looking forward to getting to know him better and picking his brain for not only D&D tips but life lessons as well.

Today I realize how lonely prison life will make a person. Despite the mail from loved ones and living in a dorm with over 60 people, I still feel pangs of loneliness. The people here are hard to open up to and to have an honest conversation with. Ortiz was the first since I landed on this unit. I hate this experience, partly because I've never been in this situation before, having grown up with an amazing family, and also because I truly feel like I shouldn't be here.

Lord, please accept my fears. Comfort me. Allow me some peace. Most of all, Lord, please restore me to C. and my family. I miss their presence in my life.

In Defense of Dependence

God's Son, Christ, gave us two simple rules to live by: love God and love people. Our whole life should be lived around those two principles. It seems like such an easy list to keep and follow, but I slip up on many occasions every day.

Emerson, in his most well-known essay "Self-Reliance", urges his readers toward independence in their thoughts and through their actions. To a certain extent this is very wise advice and serves as the foundation for the American dream, but I can only go so far relying on myself. I need people to help me and guide me along the way. Most of all, I need Christ and the Holy Spirit working in me if I am to get anywhere.

When I use my own steam I continually fall away from God, wondering why His blessings take so long to appear. I also treat people around me like enemies, either ignoring them or talking down to them. Either way, I refuse to show the compassion and "agape' love that Christ modeled and desires to see in me. It is only with His presence in my life and by my side that I am able to even approach being a decent human.

Lord, I ask you to continue to renew me and draw me to yourself. Bless me with Your love and allow me to use my gifts and talents to bless those around me. Thank you for always being there when I need You and never giving up on me.

The Real and the Not Real World

This weekend was my first time to DM the D&D crowd. The players aren't creative enough to really make it fun but it helps pass the time. Ortiz just came to the dorm today and I'm hoping he can help me bring something new to the atmosphere.

Mom and Dad surprised me with a visit yesterday and it was really good to see them. It is so easy to slip into thinking about the outside world with them that it's almost a shock coming back to the dorm. I wish I could just walk out with them.

Today at work we raked the park. It was really easy work, though Cochran kept getting mad because we weren't in sync. The worst part was raking toward the burn pile and being completely surrounded by smoke.

After work I asked Cochran for a job change but he said he needed me because I am full-time. I asked if he could put me on A-team so I could get out of the dorm more often and he said he couldn't promise that. So I didn't really make any headway at all. Oh well...

A Brush with Freedom

Well, I've had two good days of work in a row this week. Yesterday we went out to the park and hacked on it for about 20 minutes, then went and sat outside the barn for the rest of the day talking about actresses. The A-team was putting 850 bales of hay into two trailers for another prison unit to use. Not too bad for me at all. As long as I'm not called out, I won't volunteer either.

Today, however, I did get called out for the A-team while everyone else went inside. We went to the back pasture and loaded dirt onto a trailer a few times and broke up the ground with grubbing hoes to get more dirt. After a few loads we went to the shed, loaded some sand, then put it in the stalls at the barn to level it out. We got to be around the horses the field bosses use and even listen to the radio for a bit. For the first time in months I felt free, like I was just working outside on some land, no fences or razor wire in sight. That was real nice to have. Maybe the A-team isn't so bad.

Twin Soul
Forever hand in hand, my love
We touch from far away
Tethered by invisible strands
From my heart to yours they'll stay.

Whatever you go through, my love

From miles away I'll feel
Give you a loving pat on the back
Intangible but real.

Twin souls, onaji tomaskii
Alma gemela, my love
Now entwined in and through our lives
Okorimono from above.

No real answers

• Last night the power went out for several hours. Laying in the darkness, for a short while I thought for sure that there was going to be a fight, rape, or something, but there was nothing of the kind. After my nerves settled I got a drink of water and had a long conversation with Game about why God has us here and why He doesn't let us go. I still don't have any real answers except to say that God loves us no matter where we are and has promised us future blessings. It was a really cool conversation to have, knowing I'm not the only one with those thoughts.
  
  All weekend I was hoping C. would come so I could see her gorgeous smile and talk about events with Diego. By 2:30 on Sunday afternoon I figured that she wasn't coming. I was so happy when they called me for a visit at 2:45! She was in a much better mood this time and as beautiful as ever. C. was embarrassed a couple of times, once by me calling her beautiful and another when Mrs. Owens told me that C. wasn't allowed to touch my arm. Silly lady. It hurt so much to see her go out the door after our hug. Now I'm the one who feels alone after we part and has to just go inside to my boring prison life.
  
  I'm still praying daily for my release from this place or for God to go ahead and show me what He wants to use me for while I am in here. There's so much stupidity and immaturity in here for me to continue to put up with for much longer. An example is the guy who wants to teach me how to lockpick so I can break into vending machines. Crazy!