Today has been pretty surreal.
I was insulted to the core by the principal, my boss' boss. She and the counselor came to the library this morning and asked me and my coworker to go to the hallway. After about ten minutes we were invited back in and the principal talked to all of us about the magazines we were ordering. It was during this conversation that she said the following:
Mr. Johnson, I've heard that you are a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. That is a group that hates blacks, hates Jews, and if you didn't know your boss' boss is a Jew, that's me. If I hear anything about you hating on anyone, I will put my hands on you and they will have to take you out of here on a stretcher and they will have to carry me off the unit."
When I heard this my jaw dropped. A look of confusion formed on my face. After slowly turning from my boss to my coworker to see their reactions, I said, quite naturally, "I'm confused."
Mr. Johnson, I'm not going to allow you to speak right now," directed the principal.
I stayed quiet.
When the principal and counselor left, my boss went to the front to tell her mom, who happens to be the warden's secretary, what had happened. I went next door to my friend, Le, and his boss, who is responsible for keeping the unit accredited. My adrenaline was flowing so fast that I couldn't even talk for five minutes. When I was finally able to spit out what had happened, Le's boss told me to write a statement. That would have been easy enough if my hands were still in control instead of shaking like a jackhammer. Thirty minutes, two cups of coffee and a water bottle later I started writing my statement.
First, I couldn't believe that the principal thought I was an idiot gang member. As a Christian I try to show Christ's love to anyone who receives it and I don't know how she got the impression that I hated anyone.
Secondly, she physically threatened me, something that many people end up in jail for. I don't know what will happen to her, but I hope she stays gone. She was escorted off the unit this afternoon and I'm told it is likely that she will not keep her job.
"Hey man, you need to leave the dorm. Now."These were the words I heard shortly after waking up today. For some reason this guy thought I had snitched on the guys involved in the heart check. (See entry Thursday, August 6, 2009.) The Hispanic gang involved had told one of the white gangs to take care of it. I had three options.
"You can either leave now, go ahead and fight me, or wait for about fifteen of these other guys to get over here and smash you."
"But I wasn't involved in the any of that. There's no reason I would be." I protested. "I'm not gaining anything with those guys gone."
"Sorry. I'm giving you a chance. I don't think you want to get beat up. No arguments. Leave or that's your only option."
I was able to get the guy calmed down to the point where we worked out that I would go to music practice, he would go to rec, and if nothing was found out, I would leave after dinner. At music practice I shared the situation with the other guys and we had a time of prayer. One guy offered to come back to the dorm with me but I told him I would be okay. In my head, I was half expecting to get jumped as soon as I got back, all for some dumb rumor.
Instead, I was greeted by suspicious stares. I talked with the only members of the Hispanic gang in our dorm (who was also involved in the heart check) and tried to tell him that I didn't rat anyone out and would have no reason to do so. He said he didn't know for sure either way, but he was being pressured by his gang to take care of me. We worked out that I would stay until tomorrow after we went out to commissary. Again, if nothing was figured out, I would leave.
Tonight, when I was in cell block working, I talked to some guys in both gangs and all of them thought the situation was out of control. They wrote notes for me to take back to the dorm to hopefully calm the guys down so I didn't get evicted. So far they haven't listened to anything I've said. Maybe they'll listen to their own guys. I'm pretty on edge until tomorrow.
Tonight has been crazy. This story is just weird. I was talking with a couple guys, sitting on my bunk, when a guard came in asking for someone to come out and sweep the hall. Three other guys volunteered, but the guard asked me to come because she said the others were too loud. As I swept the hall, we chatted about random stuff.
Before I went back into my dorm she asked if I had written entries for the blog lately. I had given her the blog address a couple months ago, but she said she lost it and wanted it written it down again. I told her I would write it down and give it to her when she came around to count.
About an hour after count, one of the sergeants came in and asked me to come to the lieutenant"s office up front. When I got there, the lieutenant asked if I had anything to say. I didn't even know why I was there, si I said no. He started peppering me with questions about my blog and why I was sharing the address with staff.. Was I trying to get one of them to sneak contraband into prison? Was I part of a gang? Was I being extorted by a gang? I said I wasn't part of a gang or being threatened by anyone, and that I only shared my blog with some of the staff so they could see what prison is like form my perspective.
The lieutenant pulled up my blog on his computer and said that he had read through a lot of it and the only thing he saw that was bad was the entry in support of TCU. "We can't have any horned frogs in San Saba," he said in jest.
After talking to me, he said he didn't think I was doing anything wrong, but he was going to put me in solitary for a couple days to "maintain the integrity of the investigation" while he talked with other staff about it. I was put in handcuffs (never a delightful experience) and taken to a cell with a bunk all to myself. The cell was about seven feet wide and twenty feet long with a shower, toilet, sink and a bunk taking up space. There was also a table jutting out of the wall with a steel stool mounted to the floor.
Sitting there without any of my property, including my mattress and blanket, I was nervous about what could happen to me. The case that I could get - "establishing a relationship with an officer - has very bad consequences, including taking away up to a year of good time. I certainly didn't want that. I didn't want anyone else to get into trouble, either.
After an hour of worrying, I had a peace come over me. I thought. "I didn't do anything wrong and there's nothing I can do for the situation. God's in control, so I'm just going to trust Him for whatever happens." That was a cool feeling to have.
"Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves. " - Matthew 10:16
Breakfast was crazy today. To understand what happened you have to hear about yesterday's rec. For some reason, an Hispanic guy fought a black guy and all their respective gang members started fighting to back their friends up. I wasn't at rec, but I heard everybody hit the ground and about thirty guys were handcuffed and taken to segregation.
Back to breakfast. I was eating my eggs and biscuits when I heard some scuffling behind me and all the black guys around me stood up. When I looked back I saw a really tall black guy holding an Hispanic guy at arm's reach while the Hispanic guy tried to swing, missing every time. One of the other black guys was telling everyone else to cool off. The guards were yelling STOP! STOP!
The tall black guy just turned to the guards, turned back, punched the Hispanic guy in the face three times to drop him, then laid down on the ground with his hands behind his back. The sergeant handcuffed both of them and led them out of the dining hall, the Hispanic guy with blood streaming down his face.
All of us were afraid that, with the fight yesterday and this morning, the guards would cancel our holiday meal. Really, after eating our Thanksgiving lunch, I don't know why we wanted our holiday meal so badly. We had one slice of turkey, one scoop of stuffing, some fruity Jell-o, a small piece of carrot cake, and a spoon of peach cobbler. My last incarcerated Thanksgiving meal had three meats and overflowing stuffing and cranberry sauce, and a tray full of desserts. Today's meal was only slightly more than a normal meal and, though it tasted better, it just wasn't enough to justify cancelling dinner and giving johnnies.
This is definitely my least favorite time of the year in prison because it's so tough being away from family and not doing the traditional stuff. In keeping with Thanksgiving tradition, here's what I'm thankful for: health, support from family and friends, school, books, and the love of Christ. Without those things, my time would be so much tougher.
This morning I woke up for lunch and another guy was gone with all his stuff. He is a member of the neo-Nazi so I figured he had been taken for involvement in gang activity. I found out that Tex was put in the highest level of protective custody, which means his life is thought to be in danger and he will never be placed in general population in prison again. That's a hard way to do time.
Late in the afternoon, the guy taken this morning was brought back to the dorm with his property. He's not moving. Along with several other guys connected to the neo-Nazi group, he was interviewed by the gang investigator and had all his property searched, including every letter and piece of paperwork. He is under the impression that he will be confirmed as a gang member and shipped off the unit within a few weeks, While all this is going on, he still has six disciplinary cases pending and is waiting to go to segregation. Some guys just seem too far gone and will never learn. I hope he's not one of those, for his own sake.
Today in my little ten-man dorm, four people left for various reasons. We still have three empty bunks, which is an amazing feat even for the twenty-eight-man dorms. Here's how it happened:
Jimmy, one of my friends and a fellow Christian, completes his two years on a transfer unit in a few weeks. In the Texas prison system, an inmate doesn't go straight to a regular unit with the guys who have long sentences until they stay in transfer units for their first two years. So Jimmy left this morning to be reclassified for his time at a a regular unit. That's one.
The second guy to move was Knox, one of the kill-shot guys. He went to a different dorm because he didn't want to be on the shower crew any longer and traded places with someone who did want to be on the shower crew. That's two and explains the filled bunk.
The last two guys to move were Tex and Ugly and their story is a bit more complicated. It seems that Tex said some things about a neo-Nazi group that they didn't like. Ugly is a prospective member of the neo-Nazis, kind of like rushing a fraternity, except instead of stupid hazing pranks, the neo-Nazis told him that he had to be the one to discipline Tex. So, in the evening Ugly started a short-lived fight that looked more like just grappling each other. The guards saw the fight and took both Tex and Ugly down to segregation. Within ten minutes, all the property was taken out of the dorm by the guards. There's three and four.
What a crazy day! Almost half of the dorm gone in less than twelve hours. Prison can be so surreal, sometimes like living in a weird TV show.
This unit is on a downhill slide as far as inmates are concerned.
Over the past few days there have been multiple gang beatings, gassings, and man lockups. This morning, coming in from rec,a guy was battered to oblivion by a bunch of guys waiting behind the door. This is the kind of stuff you regret hearing about and hate even more to see.
I heard that there is a unit inspection today by the TDCJ officials. Apparently the recent events and ongoing unit problems were bad enough to issue a lockdown. At about eight o'clock tonight everyone was told to stay on their bunks. The dayroom was closed, the TV and lights were turned off and board games were turned in. This lockdown means that the whole unit has to stay on their bunks all day, every day, until the lockdown is lifted. As a result, no rec, no TV, no hot meals, no school, no moving around of any kind.
I really hope everything is dealt with quickly. This is supposed to be a "privilege" unit, in the warden's words. It's not much of a privilege when the actions of a few affect many more, but if it's what is necessary to bring peace back, so be it. I pray that safety and protection would be given to everyone here and that the right decisions would be made to correct the problems.
Last night I came to understand a little more the difficulties of prison life for some people. One of the guys in the dorm, Nash, was talking about his life on the outside and also about how he wishes he could spend his time like me, usually alone reading or writing. I asked him why he doesn't do that and he answered that he is caught up in gang politics because of a decision that he made the last time he came to prison.When he was younger, Nash came to prison and was coerced into joining a white prison gang for protection. As a part of joining the gang he had to severely injure another inmate and ended up fighting a guard. He spent the rest of his time in maximum security just because of peer pressure and a bad decision.
When Nash came back this time he was hoping to go it alone and stay away from any associations. Unfortunately, a guy recognized him and he was pulled back in. He wants to focus and get his relationship with God right. His girlfriend recently became a Christian and he wants to be supportive.
I'm really hoping God will comfort him and guide him. I want to be a shoulder for him to lean on and a window into God's love.
God, fill us both up with more of You so that our lives reflect who You are.
