I'm a prison guard and I have authority (kinda sorta) - Part I

Sometimes I just have to laugh at the new hires and their gung-ho attitude toward their jobs. I had a run in with a new guy at lunch today and he sure was eager to show off his new-found power over inmates. I don't think it turned out like he expected, though.

At lunch I sat with two friends, eating and sharing conversation. The new guard, a short, round-faced black guy, came by and knocked on the steel table twice and moved on. Usually, when a guard knocks on the table, they add "time to go" afterward as a way to get us to finish up. However, inmates also knock the table twice as a way of saying "excuse me" before getting up from the table. Since the new guy didn't say anything when he knocked, I joked that he must have been telling us "excuse me" before leaving.

The guy next to me quipped that the guard reminded him of Carlton, from Fresh Prince. We all turned to look and chuckled at the resemblance. The other guy started humming one of the songs from the show and we all laughed. The new guy was too far away to hear the comments but saw us laughing and came over in a huff.

"Oh yeah, you think that's funny?" he asked as he leaned into my face. "Will it be funny when I take your ID and write you a case?"

"Really?" I gave him a quizzical look. "Here's my ID. Good luck with the case."

I knew he had no reason to write any of us a case so I didn't mind letting him show off his "authority". This knowledge was confirmed when I was called to the sergeant's office later.

"Johnson, it says here that you received a case for disobeying a direct order, but you were laughing at the table? This doesn't make sense."

"I was never given an order to do anything, sir. That includes handing over my ID, which I did voluntarily because the guard suggested it might be funny."

After a short explanation, the sergeant leaned back, put his hands behind his head and grinned. "You may leave now, Mr. Johnson."

The case was gone.

Someone watchin' out for me

Along with my cases for the envelope and book I had last week, I also got silly case for being out of place. Luckily, that one was ripped up when I told the sergeant what had happened.

My friend, Omar, is going through some stuff with his family and I was talking with him in his cell when I was called out to visit. Technically, we are not supposed to be in someone else's cell, but it happens all the time with implicit permission from the guards. I explained that I wasn't trying to cause trouble, but help a friend.

"Alright, but if I see a case like this cross my desk again, I'm going to lock you up," the sergeant threatened.

Not even a full day later, the sergeant received my cases for the envelope and book. Needless to say, he was not happy. I explained that I always have stuff with me when I do book cart and haven't done anything different than the last ten months except work on night shift.

"I can't let you make it twice in one day," he said. "Plus, lieutenant is looking for this one to go through."

Sheesh, what did I do to get on his bad side? I pretty much mind my own business, and I don't even have much business. Apparently, i have a large target on my back that just begs the rank to toss darts my direction.

Today my boss got a call from mom, the warden's secretary.

'What did your worker get a case for?"

After my boss explained the plot, she received this reply: "Tell him not to worry. It's taken care of."

Apparently the lieutenant trying to nail me is the same guy who let Ereman off with a verbal reprimand when he threatened me and my boss several months ago. I guess mom still doesn't appreciate that lax judgment, so she made sure my cases went missing. A vigilant mom on my side sure is a nice perk of the job.