This morning I stepped down from paying guitar in the choir. It was a difficult decision that I had been dealing with for a few months, and I finally felt like it as time for me to go.
One of my best buddies on the unit, Lelan, stepped out in early May for many of the same reason as I did, and I've heard unhappy sentiment from a few others as well. The choir director seems to be led by ego under the guise of "the Holy Spirit." Honestly, it angers me when someone always plays the "god told me so" card because conversations with Him are usually a private affair.
While the choir director was always choosing songs that he had written, the keyboard player wasn't very flexible in playing with others. It always had to be his rhythm and lead, even when it didn't fit the song well. The other guitar player and I tried over and over to tell him that his arrangements didn't work, but he just got defensive and said, "I'm a professional musician; I know how it should sound."
I've voiced my discomfort to a few friends and choir members and was told to wait it out. "It will pass soon," they said. Well, it hasn't passed. Not only did I feel stifled in my ability to serve through song, but I also didn't even feel able to worship with the group. That's when I realized I needed to leave.
The only reason I write all of this is that I know that no one here will read i t. I don't think the director and keyboard player are bad guys; they're just a bit misguided. I pray God will use the choir to touch hearts and lead worship to bring glory to Himself. I just can't be a member at the moment.
I apologize for my lack of new entries. I have not had the desire to write down anything for a long time. To make up some of the missing entries, I'll do my best to bring you up to the present with a summary of events.
Just after Ereman quit working in the library, a "mysterious tip" accuse me of establishing a relationship with my boss. A few weeks after a scare form one of the sergeants, that situation, as ridiculous as it was, was diffused. I spent a week working alone until I got a new coworker who turned out to be more security than worker. I don't mind, but it leaves me busy during the day and mentally exhausted in the evening. The new coworker received an FI-1 parole answer not long ago, which means he could go home any day.
I started and completed a "contract job" for the kitchen captain. He had me help streamline the kitchen by reformatting the Excel stuff they had been using. It was awesome to be problem -solving on a computer again. I'm hoping he needs more work done so I can use my strengths again.
The unit had a volleyball tournament in which my team was in and out in the first round. Woohoo! Luckily, we are having a soccer tournament soon. Soccer has been my sport since age 8, so I'm far more comfortable with a ball at my feet. I was just drafted in the first round and our team looks decent, a few guys that can really pass the ball around.
In mid-May, I had a strange physical occurrence. My right field of vision went out in both eyes for about an hour, followed by a terrible headache that stayed with me for eight hours. I went to the infirmary and they referred me to Galveston, a trip I was unwilling to make for such an infrequent aberrance. I think it was a buildup of stress and a bit of dehydration taking its toll on me, but I've been feeling great recently.
Because of the stress, I backed off from the choir for a few weeks. That freed me up a couple of more nights for me to chill and spend time with God reading and praying. Last week was my first back with the choir and with the egoism and dictatorial attitudes I've seen, I'm tempted to step away again. However, I think right now God wants me to be right there.
And that's the whirlwind recap. Hope you enjoyed (though probably not as much as the full entries.) Thanks for your prayers and support.
Man, our choir is getting chaotic. We just got a new director a couple of weeks ago. I hope it eventually brings stability, but right now it's just crazy. The new guy isn't used to leading, so the time we have for practice is not spent well. He also isn't very good at encouraging others.
Tonight we had five songs on our agenda for the two hour practice. The first was one that the director had written himself. Unfortunately, his lack of musical skill did not allow him to lead the musicians. When we tried to figure out his key and progression, he quieted us while he tried to work it out on his own. Half an hour later, we finally had it worked out to be reasonably decent, musically speaking.
Next he asked the Hispanics choir members to practice one of their Spanish songs. For a proper practice environment he cleared four-fifths of the choir out of the room, even those who wanted to sing with the Hispanics. I was surprised that he was discouraging participation. I know he means well, but it's just done in a strange way.
We only practiced one other song - for a total of three - so we are pretty far behind for this weekend's services. I pray that God would bring us together as a unit so we can practice and worship completely. I know we'll be alright down the road, but at this stage, we are sorely lacking solid direction.
Today was the graduation ceremony for all the vocational programs that were completed this fall and the choir was on hand for musical help. This ceremony was different than any I've been to but it was a great way to encourage the guys and recognize their accomplishments.
The ceremony was held in our grungy gym surrounded by all the weights. Chairs were set up in two halves of the room - one set for family and the other for the graduates - with at least 100 chairs on either side. The front of the gym had the podium and long tables for the officials with the choir set up before and to the side. Strewn about the gym were decorations and completed projects from the carpentry class, such as a rocking horse and a UT-themed inlaid table.
During the set up and short practice, we lost one of our soloists who was kicked out of the choir on the spot for holding up his pants while singing. One of the guards told the chaplain he was 'holding his crotch' and out he went. Ridiculous. The event started while guests were still coming in and a few of the officials hadn't arrived. The Star-Spangled Banner was sung by a guy who went at such a high speed and pitch that he stopped three quarters of the way through it to figure out how to continue. Despite the flaws in execution (and there were more than these I've mentioned). This graduation was the first one for many of these guys and it was worth it to see family and show them who they are growing into. There were many proud mothers and fathers who beamed as their grown sons walked the "stage". I'm glad that the prison put the time and effort into making the event happen. Even that small investment can make a huge difference for some of these guys.
