"Carrier"

I went out to rec today and the field was missing something important - the two soccer goals! I was stunned. One of the guards said they took the goals because someone was storing contraband in the goal posts. I can't believe the dunces that would ruin rec for twenty people to break the rules. So, instead of going outside, I came back in to work out on my own. I hope that the goals are back soon...

I found a new joy on TV, even though it will only last for this week. The PBS series " Carrier" is great! It's about the crew of the USS Nimitz on their tour of duty in 2005, called a "cruise". The relationships and activities that take place are really interesting. The main characters that the film crew follows are a few pilots, a greaser on the flight deck, an ordie (a guy that helps load missiles and bombs on the F-18's), an officer in training, and a marine stationed on board the floating city.They share camera time with many other folks as well.

It's really cool to see them respond to each other, to the politics of the war, and to the hardships of being away from home. In a way, their experiences mirror mine, though they are in service willingly and arguably have it better than I do. "Carrier" is a welcome break from the trash TV that the guys usually watch.

"Hmmm...what does it look like I'm doing?"

One thing that has always been a bother and is unsettling to me is when people interrupt my reading or writing just to ask what I am doing, and then walk away. My bunk is in the middle of the dorm and both lanes of traffic go by my bed. In a more hostile environment I would probably be more paranoid.

Anyway, some people feel the need to just stop and say something even though they can see exactly what I am doing. What more pointless question is there than "What are you doing?" Isn't it obvious, doofus? Thanks for the interruption. Excuse me while I search for my train of thought because it left me when you started talking. Maybe I'm just sensitive, but that certainly can't be a huge problem here. Can it?

Make me a Window

Last night I came to understand a little more the difficulties of prison life for some people. One of the guys in the dorm, Nash, was talking about his life on the outside and also about how he wishes he could spend his time like me, usually alone reading or writing. I asked him why he doesn't do that and he answered that he is caught up in gang politics because of a decision that he made the last time he came to prison.

When he was younger, Nash came to prison and was coerced into joining a white prison gang for protection. As a part of joining the gang he had to severely injure another inmate and ended up fighting a guard. He spent the rest of his time in maximum security just because of peer pressure and a bad decision.

When Nash came back this time he was hoping to go it alone and stay away from any associations. Unfortunately, a guy recognized him and he was pulled back in. He wants to focus and get his relationship with God right. His girlfriend recently became a Christian and he wants to be supportive.

I'm really hoping God will comfort him and guide him. I want to be a shoulder for him to lean on and a window into God's love.



God, fill us both up with more of You so that our lives reflect who You are.

"Some books are to be tasted" *

Finally! My property from my last unit caught up to me. When I left my last unit I brought some books and necessary items like a thermal shirt and hygiene stuff. I left a bunch of books behind to be sent to me at a later date and now, about two months later, they have shown up. I just need to plow through some of the books I have to get the really good stuff and also clear some room in my locker.

What a blessing good books are to the world, especially inmates who have seemingly eons f time on their hands.

* " Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed on and digested. " - Francis Bacon

Temporarily Out of Commission

After playing soccer yesterday evening I came back to the dorm to examine my foot to see what was causing the pain with every step. I had a feeling that it was a blister because I felt something rubbing when I was out on the field. I had moved to goalie so I didn't have to run and pivot. Whatever it was on my foot, it felt big!

Sure enough, the sweaty sock and sub-par shoes had teamed up to put the biggest blister I've ever had on the ball of my right foot. At first I thought that it was just a little blister, but my skin is so calloused there that I didn't see the rest of the blob. When I cut and drained it to put antiseptic, gauze, and tape on it, a rush of fluid came out and the whole ball of my foot depressed. This sucker is about 1 1/4 inches across. I'm hoping size doesn't influence the healing time so I can hit the field again soon with confidence.

Hanging Out on the Outside

Back when I was on the outside living in Fort Worth one of my favorite things to do was to hang out at the Fort Worth Botanic Gardens or the Kimball Art Museum lawn. After I got out of classes at around 12:30 I would drive to TCU to eat lunch with C. If she didn't have classes in the afternoon we would either go back to her dorm room to watch a movie, do crossword puzzles, or study, or we would head to the Botanic Gardens or to the Kimball with a blanket and a soccer ball or Frisbee to play, study, or just relax under the big shade trees.

I really miss spending time with friends, no matter the location. Here I spend all my day with people I probably would have never met, much less been friends with. I wasn't into the drug scene that most of these guys fell into. I find myself blessed to come from the background that I have come from. I can't wait to get back to hanging out with my friends over a board game, video game, coffee, meal, study session, or just a good conversation. That's what 's been hard to find here.

A Stranger in the Night*

Today I went out at about 12:30 to play soccer for two hours (the allotted rec time for the day). I've grown accustomed to the mild weather, so the recent heat wave caught me off guard.I sweat it out like a pimple-faced teenager on his first date and was exhausted to boot. After the third game (we play to three) everyone was beat and off the field. I think I'll only be going out for the evening rec times once the real Texas heat kicks in.




Tonight at about 3:00 AM I was wakened by a guard yelling,"All right guys, everybody get up and come into the hall one at a time to strip down!"

Apparently someone had been tattooing but they couldn't tell who it was in the dark, so they were going to just check everyone in the dorm. However, the guy getting the work done showed his fresh tattoo and the tattoo gun was taken up. The guards called off the body search and people were able to go to sleep again.

Well, they would have been able to go back to sleep if some people hadn't become emotional and antagonistic toward the guards and just started yelling. Nothing like some early morning drama to keep the guys from getting some shuteye.


*Never greet a stranger in the night, for he may be a demon. -Talmud

The Following is Only a Test

This morning I woke up for breakfast at 4:30 AM to discover that the french toast had been replaced by pancakes because the kitchen workers forgot to set out the bread to thaw. If I was at home I would just nuke a few slices and then put them in the pan, but I guess that's a little tough to do for 500 plates. I don't think they have a microwave anyway.




Around noon I had to go to the education building to take the THEA test ( Texas Higher Education Assessment).I thought I had taken it back at community college to get into a math class that I wanted to take, but I guess the records disagree. The five hour test covering math, reading, and writing took me two and a half hours to complete. Standardized tests always seemed like a waste of time to me. Not a fun way to spend the afternoon, either. I guess it's worth it to get some more college hours under my belt.

In Exile

When I open my eyes

I'm in exile
No disguise
All around me lies untruths galore
My soul dies

So far from all I know
And like to love
I can't go
My life pulls my heart in tow, days go by
More so slow

You bring me home
In my thoughts, in my sleep, in my dreams
You bring me home
To my friends, to the real, to my family

In you I find my peace
A comfort hand
My reprieve
I'm able to fully leave this dreary place
A release

Making the Most of Every Opportunity*

Yesterday, after a week of "johnnies", we finally got to go back to the chow hall to eat. On the menu for the day: BBQ pork links for lunch and sweet and sour pork for dinner. The pork links were good but I think the kitchen workers lost their groove because the pork rolls were burned to a crisp. Today's meals: both pork, also. After a long stretch of PB&J we are now having a pork marathon. At least we get veggies this time around.

One of the guys in the dorm told me about his dream last night. He dreamed that I got the death penalty for something and that I was scheduled to be executed the next day. In his dream he was trying to argue on my behalf to get me off the hook because he knew that I would never do anything to deserve the death penalty (his words.) He said he felt like it was a message for him to learn as much from me about Christ as possible in the time we have. I hope that it doesn't mean death for me, but I'm excited at the chance to share my faith with someone willing to listen.

Thank you, God, for opportunities. Lord, give me the insight and strength to share with others.

* Colossians 4:4-6 - "Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Alone in the Midst of All These People

Today I got another surprise visit from someone I hadn't seen in over a year: my aunt! She lives nearby so it's convenient (well, more convenient than where I was in my last unit.)

She gave me so much encouragement as we spent two hours talking about her life and my situation, and how we are both pushing through tough times with God's help. She continued to remind me of the opportunity and responsibility to share Christ's love with the people around me.


I find it hard to have quality relationships here. At all my previous places I've been able to have real conversations with people about life and faith, but here, because of the close quarters, you can't bring up anything without someone chiming in or making it public business. I'm trying to share who I am but I find myself just keeping to myself, reading most of the time. Part of it is trying to avoid getting caught up in the mostly stupid events in the dorm.

"Johnnies"

For the last three days the "chow hall" has been shut down and we have been getting "johnnies" instead. Johnnies consist of a brown paper sack with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, raisins, and either toasted oat cereal or a bologna sandwich.

The reason behind the closing of the chow hall: bubbled flooring near the dishwasher. This is a recently refurbished unit, too! Nothing but the best in the Texas prison system.

When one of the guards was counting us tonight she looked up at me (she is short and I have a top bunk) and said. "Why are you here? You shouldn't be here. You're too clean cut." Interesting... I don't think I should be here either but it's not because of my looks.