Breakfast was crazy today. To understand what happened you have to hear about yesterday's rec. For some reason, an Hispanic guy fought a black guy and all their respective gang members started fighting to back their friends up. I wasn't at rec, but I heard everybody hit the ground and about thirty guys were handcuffed and taken to segregation.
Back to breakfast. I was eating my eggs and biscuits when I heard some scuffling behind me and all the black guys around me stood up. When I looked back I saw a really tall black guy holding an Hispanic guy at arm's reach while the Hispanic guy tried to swing, missing every time. One of the other black guys was telling everyone else to cool off. The guards were yelling STOP! STOP!
The tall black guy just turned to the guards, turned back, punched the Hispanic guy in the face three times to drop him, then laid down on the ground with his hands behind his back. The sergeant handcuffed both of them and led them out of the dining hall, the Hispanic guy with blood streaming down his face.
All of us were afraid that, with the fight yesterday and this morning, the guards would cancel our holiday meal. Really, after eating our Thanksgiving lunch, I don't know why we wanted our holiday meal so badly. We had one slice of turkey, one scoop of stuffing, some fruity Jell-o, a small piece of carrot cake, and a spoon of peach cobbler. My last incarcerated Thanksgiving meal had three meats and overflowing stuffing and cranberry sauce, and a tray full of desserts. Today's meal was only slightly more than a normal meal and, though it tasted better, it just wasn't enough to justify cancelling dinner and giving johnnies.
This is definitely my least favorite time of the year in prison because it's so tough being away from family and not doing the traditional stuff. In keeping with Thanksgiving tradition, here's what I'm thankful for: health, support from family and friends, school, books, and the love of Christ. Without those things, my time would be so much tougher.
Today I had my first lab practical in geology. Again, it was mostly review - just rocks and minerals from my physical geology class that I took before I was arrested. All we had to do was identify the rocks and minerals by their names and identify what type of rock they were, all multiple choice. I scored higher on this test than any other so far - 109 out of a possible 110.
The only point I missed was a word in my answer on the bonus. I wish I had bigger challenges. It's kind of annoying to me to receive 100's on everything because I don't feel like I'm really being pushed to learn.
The same thing is happening in the Bible study that I go to on Tuesday nights. Tonight we stayed on topic, but the topics were either information that I'd heard many times before or so stretched in their spirituality that I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't want to speak up because I don;t want to confuse the other guys in the class or look like I'm contradicting the teacher. I think I'll give it a couple more weeks before I make my decision to leave the class or not.
I came back from my morning anthropology class and half the dorm had move slips. All but one of the new guys moved out and the one that stayed is trying to move. That means no more yelling at the TV during football games and banging beats all night.
Maybe I'll get some sleep.
One of the guys that moved in is a friend and fellow nerd. We're also in the anthropology class together so I can help him study. That addition makes the dorm more interesting, at least for me. It will be nice to have a guy to talk games, movies, and books with.
This morning I had a rude awakening. The guard on my wing called me out to get my statement for a disciplinary case that had been written on me two days earlier without my even knowing about it. Boy, was I shocked. I didn't do anything to deserve a case being written.
Thursday morning I was wakened by a guard who told me to put the books that were on my bed into my locker. I must have not been awake enough for it to register because, when she came back to waken me to go to the clinic, she told me, "I've already told you once to put your books away. If I see them out when I come back, you're getting a case." Rather than making a fuss, I did what she asked and went to the clinic. Since my bunk was clear, I didn't expect her to write me up.
I really hope that the case is dismissed. I like my job and dorm, and would certainly prefer to stay where I am instead of going to segregation temporarily. I can't believe that guards act that way and get away with it most of the time.
More changes in the dorm. The last guy in this dorm associated with the neo-Nazi white supremacist group left to go to segregation. He had amassed an astonishing six disciplinary cases in two days (remember that definition of crash dummy?) It's good that he's out because of his influence on other guys and the heat he brought from the guards.That fifth open bunk - and all the others - didn't stay empty for long. Each was filled when I came back from school. What a surprise to leave a half-empty house and return two hours later to find a party going on! Three of the guys who moved in are very loud, one beats and raps nonstop, and none are on shower crew or in school, which means our schedules are about as dissimilar as they come. I hope a remedy is found and soon. I don't really want my grades to suffer from even less sleep that I get already.
I took two exams today, back-to-back, in a Wednesday doubleheader. After the dust settles and the synapse firing was over, I emerged victorious. Both were aced; no battle scars this time.
I was a little worried about the anthropology test. It wasn't so much the material itself, but the depth that I wasn't sure about. Most tests I take I don't have to do much more than a quick scan to be comfortable with the information covered. I'm pretty good at the multisensory learning - hear, see, write - so the info is retained well. For this test, I actually spent some quality time getting to know the chapters. It turned out that only minimal recollection was required for the exam. I still don't mind keeping in line with the Boy Scout motto - Be Prepared.
The geology exam was a breeze, just like the previous one. The material was still review from the last geology class I took, so it was fish in a barrel for me. I know that it's going to get tougher when the biology stuff appears. I'll be ready.
The chaplain started a new Bible study this evening called Restoring Joy. It's a twelve-step program to recovering peace and putting hurts behind you by looking at the Beatitudes and a few more of Jesus' teachings. From flipping through the book it looks like it will be a good twelve weeks.
Tonight we got way off subject a few times, but I think some guys still learned even from the rabbit trails. A few of the guys asked some very elementary questions and some others that were plainly misguided. I hope this class gives them a more solid foundation on which to place their faith and reveals to them a God with whom they really would want a relationship.
The subject matter tonight was a lot of milk for me. I'm sure I will get a new perspective on who I am (or at least receive a good reminder) but I think the class is tailored to young Christians. I pray that everyone taking part falls deeper in love with the only God who loves us.
Make-up classes for the times we missed during lockdown were supposed to take place today, so I was expecting an early wake-up call. That didn't happen. Instead, I woke up with a start at lunch time and was worried I had missed my morning class. I asked the guard working on my hall, but she didn't know anything about the morning classes.
Turns out there was an administrative mix-up by the prison. Both the students (all except me, it turns out) and instructors showed up for class, but the students were all turned back to their dorms because the computer didn't have us marked for morning classes. What a waste of a good morning for the seven instructors who drive more than an hour to get here.
I guess they got the computer fixed - or ignored - because the afternoon classes went through as planned. At least it wasn't a completely wasted day for the instructors. I'm glad I didn't get into trouble for not going to class this morning.
This morning I woke up for lunch and another guy was gone with all his stuff. He is a member of the neo-Nazi so I figured he had been taken for involvement in gang activity. I found out that Tex was put in the highest level of protective custody, which means his life is thought to be in danger and he will never be placed in general population in prison again. That's a hard way to do time.
Late in the afternoon, the guy taken this morning was brought back to the dorm with his property. He's not moving. Along with several other guys connected to the neo-Nazi group, he was interviewed by the gang investigator and had all his property searched, including every letter and piece of paperwork. He is under the impression that he will be confirmed as a gang member and shipped off the unit within a few weeks, While all this is going on, he still has six disciplinary cases pending and is waiting to go to segregation. Some guys just seem too far gone and will never learn. I hope he's not one of those, for his own sake.
Today in my little ten-man dorm, four people left for various reasons. We still have three empty bunks, which is an amazing feat even for the twenty-eight-man dorms. Here's how it happened:
Jimmy, one of my friends and a fellow Christian, completes his two years on a transfer unit in a few weeks. In the Texas prison system, an inmate doesn't go straight to a regular unit with the guys who have long sentences until they stay in transfer units for their first two years. So Jimmy left this morning to be reclassified for his time at a a regular unit. That's one.
The second guy to move was Knox, one of the kill-shot guys. He went to a different dorm because he didn't want to be on the shower crew any longer and traded places with someone who did want to be on the shower crew. That's two and explains the filled bunk.
The last two guys to move were Tex and Ugly and their story is a bit more complicated. It seems that Tex said some things about a neo-Nazi group that they didn't like. Ugly is a prospective member of the neo-Nazis, kind of like rushing a fraternity, except instead of stupid hazing pranks, the neo-Nazis told him that he had to be the one to discipline Tex. So, in the evening Ugly started a short-lived fight that looked more like just grappling each other. The guards saw the fight and took both Tex and Ugly down to segregation. Within ten minutes, all the property was taken out of the dorm by the guards. There's three and four.
What a crazy day! Almost half of the dorm gone in less than twelve hours. Prison can be so surreal, sometimes like living in a weird TV show.
This historical geology class isn't as interesting to me as the physical geology class I have already taken. I like all the earth-shaping stuff, like volcanoes, earthquakes, and the like. Flipping through the textbook it looks like a lot of what we cover is going to be dead creatures found in the rocks.Lots of biology-type stuff, which is probably my least favorite science.
So far the material we've covered has been a review for me. We took our first test today and I aced it, bonus question included. I don't think the rest of the session will be very difficult, even if it is biology.
The instructor is in his late fifties and is definitely born-and-raised country. He has a thick, unmistakable Texas drawl. A few of his ancestors fought in The Civil War - he calls it the War Between the States - and he seems to still be bitter about the loss in a joking sort of way. Yesterday he told the story of a short layover that he shared with an old classmate in a New Jersey airport. After watching the behavior of people around him, he turned to his friend and said, "Walker, now I know why we went to war with these fellas." Certainly makes for an interesting class.
Today, for the first time in almost three months, I had a visit from C. I also hadn't heard from her by mail since that last visit. I wasn't sure what was going on - if she was too busy with school, work, and campus life, or didn't feel comfortable communicating with me. It was a huge blessing to see and talk with her and catch up on everything that has been going on.
I had been worried a little bit that after we split in June, we might drop communication entirely. I've seen that too many times with guys around me for the past year and a half. Going off the map for three months almost had me convinced that it had happened to me. Boy, was I happy to see her today. Even though we aren't romantically involved anymore, I still consider her my best friend. There's no one else that I can open up to as well as C. I can't say for certain, but I think the same is true for her. I really hope she finds a mentor of intimate friend she can be herself with because it's kind of tough to be that from here.
Seeing such a good frines was such a pick-me-up. Though I was disappointed to see her go, I came out with a glow. I look forward to getting out of here so those kinds of friendships can continue and multiply.
Best Friend
Despite yesterday's entry, I am beginning to feel like this life is normal. I'm used to being wakened at any hour for whatever reason - noise, food, count, searches. As much as I don't like it, I've become used to the overwhelming negativity of inmates and guards. I'm no longer surprised by stupid rules that pop up out of nowhere when a guard wants their way.
Every day that I go to school is like an escape. There I am a person with a voice, opinion, intellect, and name. It's a reminder of what I'm working toward. The classes are almost like the classes that I was taking before I was arrested. We just can't leave whenever we finish, and all the students wear remarkably similar clothing. The instructors don't have a bias against any of us that I've seen and about half the guys in class actually have good comments and questions. It's great to be around (some) people who use their brain. I can't wait to get back out and away from this world that has become normal for me.
Well, it's most of the way through the week and I am pooped. It's been a long time since I went to school from 8:00 AM to 2:30 PM and I didn't have a job then, either - a night job, at that. I used to be involved in all kinds of activities after school: football, theater, track, soccer, Bible study. But, like I said, it's been a while.
I'm glad my day is so filled now. It feels a bit more like the busyness I'm used to on the outside. I just wish I could make my own choices and do what I want instead of waking up with my day decided for me. I miss being outside, too. We haven't had rec outside for about two weeks now. Because I'm not able to run, I've been doing work outs in the dorm - mostly pull-ups and hanging crunches. I hope we get some good time outside before it gets too chilly.
I thinl part of the reason I'm exhausted is my erratic sleep schedule. I don't think I've gotten more than four hours of straight sleep since the weekend and it's never at the same time of day, either. That's just a reality of prison life when you share your room with nine guys, a TV, toilet, and shower. Oh, if I could have a quiet place with a mattress, covers and a pillow - right now that would be heaven.
The Jesus Way - Eugene PetersonGod's way, always, is to use servants.
Servants:
men and women without standing,
without accomplishment, without influence.
The core element in a servant identity is not being God,
not being in charge, not taking the initiative.
Or, to put it positively,
a servant enters into what has already been decided by another,
what is already going on,
alert to the gestures and guidance of the Master.
The servant doesn't know the whole story,
doesn't know the end from the beginning.
All the while he is also aware that
there is far more going on,
both good and evil, than he has any knowledge of.
.
He lives, in other words, in a mystery but not in confusion.
A good servant is ever eager
to trust and obey and honor God
as the sovereign who is personal and present -
Yahweh:God here and now.
The greatest among you must be a servant. But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. - Matthew 23:11-12
Last night Swat was at the door to the dorm talking to one of the lieutenants about moving to a bottom bunk and stuff about the shower crew. The lieutenant stepped into the dorm and told us to put everything down on a request - who wants to go where, who in the dorm isn't on shower crew, and anything else that needs to be done.
Swat asked me to write it because I've been able to get things done (supposedly) with the way I write. I put everyone's move requests first, then put down the guys who weren't on shower crew. These guys were going to be moved out of the dorm. I wasn't sure if Ugly wanted to move out so I asked Swat about it because Ugly was asleep... or so I thought
Apparently Ugly was not sleeping because he shot up and demanded to know why it mattered. I explained what I was doing when he shot in.
"Are you trying to kite me out of here?!"
Kiting someone is one of the most disrespectful and shady things a guy can do in prison, just short of snitching. It is effectively kicking someone out of a dorm by complaining to the guards. I was not trying to kite him out.
"No, I'm just wondering if you were still trying to get on the shower crew or if you were trying to go to the kitchen. Lieutenant wants it on paper."
"If I want something done, I'll do it myself! You don't need to worry about my business!"
"I'm trying to help you because the lieutenant can make things happen. I just didn't know what you wanted. But now I won't even put your name on here if it makes you feel better about that."
"Don't worry about how I feel!" Ugly screamed as he put his boots on to get up and fight.
"I'm not going to fight, bro."
"I know you aren't. I just want you to shut up!" He rose.
Swat stepped in to settle Ugly down and it was over.
Ugly has been in and out of prison since he was 12, with the longest time out being only six months. He's new in the dorm so I think he's still trying to win approval from his buddies like he's done for the past twelve years. I really feel sorry for him and have talked with him briefly about changing, but he does not welcome the idea - even with two sons waiting for their dad. Sad.
