The Reason For God ~ Timothy Keller- If you center your life and identity on your spouse or partner, you will be emotionally dependent, jealous, and controlling.
- If centered on family and children, you will try to live through your kids until they resent you or have no self of their own. At worst, you may abuse them when they displease you.
- If centered on money and possessions, you will be eaten up by worry or jealousy about money. You'd be willing to do unethical things to maintain your lifestyle, which will eventually blowup your life.
- If centered on pleasure, gratification, or comfort, you will find yourself addicted to something. You will become chained to the "escape strategies" by which you avoid the hardness of life.
- If centered on relationships and approval, you will be constantly overly hurt by criticism and thus always losing friends. You will fear confronting others and therefore be a useless friend.
- If centered on "noble causes", you will divide the world into "good" and "bad" and demonize tour opponents. Ironically, you will be controlled by your enemies. Without them, you have no purpose.
- If centered on religion and morality, you will strive to live up to standards, and will be proud, self-righteous, and cruel. If you don't live up to standards, your guilt will be utterly devastating.
Everybody has to live for something. Whatever that something is becomes "Lord of your life", whether you think of it that way or not. Jesus is the only Lord who, if you receive him, will fulfill you completely, and if you find him, will forgive you eternally.
"Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee!" ~ Saint Augustine
Man, our choir is getting chaotic. We just got a new director a couple of weeks ago. I hope it eventually brings stability, but right now it's just crazy. The new guy isn't used to leading, so the time we have for practice is not spent well. He also isn't very good at encouraging others.
Tonight we had five songs on our agenda for the two hour practice. The first was one that the director had written himself. Unfortunately, his lack of musical skill did not allow him to lead the musicians. When we tried to figure out his key and progression, he quieted us while he tried to work it out on his own. Half an hour later, we finally had it worked out to be reasonably decent, musically speaking.
Next he asked the Hispanics choir members to practice one of their Spanish songs. For a proper practice environment he cleared four-fifths of the choir out of the room, even those who wanted to sing with the Hispanics. I was surprised that he was discouraging participation. I know he means well, but it's just done in a strange way.
We only practiced one other song - for a total of three - so we are pretty far behind for this weekend's services. I pray that God would bring us together as a unit so we can practice and worship completely. I know we'll be alright down the road, but at this stage, we are sorely lacking solid direction.
One of the world's biggest music festivals has been going on all week long a three hour's drive from here, south to Austin. SXSW - or South by Southwest - takes over downtown Austin as every club is booked with big names and (more often) no-names trying to break out. But the venues aren't the only places to hear new music; the sidewalks and parks are often strewn with impromptu gigs and jam sessions. Since I hit that age in my teenage years where music becomes more than just words and sounds, I have wanted to go to this panoply of bands and experience the "festival of festivals."
I still haven't been able to go myself, bu today on a local public music station (KXT 91.7) I was able to hear at least a part of it. KXT has a show on Fridays called the Texas Mix, which showcases artists from this state, old and new. Today, instead of playing their usual variety of Texas music, they played a concert from SXSW by Spoon, a great band from Austin.
Spoon is one of my favorite bands, playing a kind of starkly minimal pop rock. I've been listening to them since my senior year of high school, but have never been to one of their shows. Since my incarceration, I've really missed their music, and, while KXT plays their songs now and then, I wish I could just pop in one of their albums and listen straight through.
Luckily, that is just what it sounded like when KXT played Spoon's show. Most of the songs were from their newest album released this year, but a few older songs made it, too. I was bobbing my head to the tunes when a friend came in to tell me it was time to go back to work. Too bad. I was enjoying a festival I've never been to and a band I wanted to listen to and had to leave them both. I guess I'll get another chance later.
Since I started working in the library, I haven't been able to go to rec, except on the weekends. To fill the gaps, I've been doing a 10-15 minute yoga routine in my cell each day. Though I do feel uber-limbo afterward, the yoga isn't doing much for my strength or running ability. Plus, my cellie gives me weird looks that say, "This guy needs some help. Now."To try to get back on track, I asked Ereman if he wouldn't mind my absence on the mornings that late rec (9:00-10:30) is available. When he said it would be alright, I asked my boss and she said go ahead. Great, I'm back. It's only two or three times a week, but it's better than where I was.
My old pair of sneakers have become nearly irreparable after two years of hard use, so I also put in for permission to buy new ones. For any major purchase (sneakers, radio, electric kettle, fan, etc.), we have to wait for approval from the property officer before our purchase. My request was approved two days ago, so I got the new pair early this morning from commissary. The shoes are Riddell basketball shoes that cost a relatively cheap $32. They're not great, but they're much better than slip-ons or boots. Now it's time to put them to use.
Today was the beginning of a three-day long audit by the American Corrections Association (ACA). This group's accreditation is necessary for better funding and , though we are already accredited, we must be audited every three years. I have no doubt that this place will pass, but the administration is freaking, regardless.
They are worried about stuff that isn't even a part of a well-run unit. For the past few weeks, the paint crew has gone into overdrive. Walls, trim, doors, and new murals have been painted, which has probably created a hazardous place to live due to the fumes. There was nothing wrong with the most of the paint anyway. What's funny is seeing guys with the blue accents on their white uniforms from absentmindedly leaning against wet paint.
Even my boss has been stressing out. We've been told that the auditors will come in to ask questions and look at records. My boss has only been on the job since January and she hates to talk in front of people.
Today, when the auditors came in with the unit major, she froze up. As the questions came, she hesitantly answered. Seeing her fear, the major tried to help with the answers. One of the auditors' questions was about Spanish books, so I pointed out our small collection. From then on, the auditors directed their questions toward me. I wasn't sure if I should answer directly or defer to my boss, but the major gave me a silent nod as a go ahead. With his approval, I went on to answer more questions. The library audit took about ten minutes total before the auditors said thanks and moved on.
I was told this evening by a friend who works under the unit ACA coordinator that the library did well. Now my boss can stop the worrying. After two more days, I'm sure the whole administration will relax a bit.
"You're a jerk!"
These words were directed at me and came form the mouth of my boss in the library today. They surprised me and may surprise you, too.
My coworker, Ereman, and my boss often talk about people behind their backs and spend much of the time when the library is empty spinning gossip. There's another guy that often stops by to trade his share, too. This guy is always commenting that I am always quiet and reading.
"You sure like to read, don't you?" is his usual question.
Yes, much more than talking about people badly.
Anyway, the three others in the library were doing their usual "gos-swap" and labeling certain guys as stalkers. My boss is a young blond that many guys find attractive, so in this environment there are some that come to the library to get a good look. Ereman calls these guys stalkers and is quite liberal with the use of the label. He's probably on target with some of these, but he extends the label to guys with poor social skills who just come off as weirdos.
I don't think it's our place to judge these guys, especially so superficially. One of the "stallions" comes by each morning to poke his head in the door and greet us. When he actually comes in the library, he asks Ereman or me for a recommendation, grabs a book, and leaves. Yesterday he came straight form work without a pass. Because he had to go get a pass to come in, he awkwardly joked to my boss that he should have a permanent pass.
This led to my boss labeling him a stalker, which led to me defending him and others, which led to the opening exclamation of this entry. She got mad at me for defending someone who wan;t there to defend himself. When asked why, I explained that they were wrong about the guy and that they were judging quite a few people harshly without understanding everything. That's part of why I'm here: people not understanding the situation fully. It upsets me to see it so often and so blatantly, even though I do it myself in my head. That doesn't mean it needs to be spoken or projected onto so many. Ereman's reasoning that it protects our boss isn't quite valid. It makes this place more threatening than it needs to be.
* Matthew 7:1
My desk has been painted and protected by a sheet for over a week now. I've received some puzzled looks from Juan, but I try to reassure him that it will be finished soon. The reason I've been waiting is because I don't want to ruin the paint before I apply the wax coat.
The wax arrived today. I was a bit disappointed by the small amount, but at least it is a start. I was able to apply three thin coats with the little bit I had. I'll be adding to it until I have a glossy sheen on top. I figure if I do a job, it ought to be done well. I just have to be patient for things to be completed in here. No Home Depot available; everything is improvised. It's pretty amazing what some people have cobbled together in here. I'm a "short-timer" though, so I don't have as many cool tricks. And really, I don't want many of them.
