Last week Opie left the dorm to go to cell block. For some reason he decided he didn't want to work anymore, so he just stayed in the dorm, racked up a few disciplinary cases, and went to cell block.I really don't know what's going on with that guy. I tried to bring him around and make him realize what he was doing but he didn't care. He always has to be talking to someone so I don't know know why he went to cell block where he'll probably be in a cell on his own. I hope he comes aorund eventually because that kind of attitude gets nobody anywhere.
Since Opie left, the light used for tattooing blew out and a couple of other guys got moved out. Now the dorm is much quieter. I'm really enjoying the peace (relative peace; the TV is always on and guys are always talking) and have finished quite a few things. I've been reading and writing more. I plan to finish Gulag Archipelago by this weekend so I can move on to lighter fare, and the parole packet has been coming together, too. I hope this quiet lasts for a long time to come.
Back in May I started a long process to order a book for a Warcraft-themed roleplaying game. Before this new warden arrived in January, we were able to fill out a withdrawal request form and turn it in with an order at the commissary window. From there, the request would be approved by the unit administration and forwarded to the inmate trust fund in Huntsville for the money to be withdrawn as a money order and sent with the inmate's order to the company.
Now that's a long enough process itself, but the new warden, in his infinite wisdom on how a smooth-running unit should operate, added more steps to the process. Before an inmate can even turn in the request to commissary, the have to send a request to the mail room asking if the desired book has been approved and, if affirmative, turn in the mail room's answer to the commissary with everything else.
A problem I've run into a few times is that the book I want to order has not been reviewed and permission is denied because it hasn't been approved. Most of the books I receive are not on the list of approved books, but do not have objectionable material and are allowed in. Why we can't order unreviewed books when we receive then all the time is beyond me.
Back to the current order. The order went all the way to completion and my reception of a book. Unfortunately, the book I received was not the book I ordered. Instead of email or phone call to ask about an exchange, I had to write a letter and wait two weeks for a response. The company apologized for its mistake and offered to exchange at no extra cost to me. I got this letter in the middle of June. Since then I have been trying to send this book back, finally meeting success today.
I wrote a letter outlining the exchange, put it with the book in an envelope and asked the mail room to weigh it for postage. They said they wouldn't do it; the book had to be released through property for them to weigh it.
So two weeks ago I had the book, letter and envelope confiscated. Last Friday I went to the property room to confirm that I needed the package weighed. Today I found out it would take $10.30 worth of stamps to go out. I had to wipe out my stash and borrow some from friends for it to go out tomorrow.
I hope this saga comes to a happy ending soon. The red tape and hurdles have made the process a very tiring one.
About a month ago I asked one of my supervisors for shower crew if he was allowed to write a letter of recommendation to the parole board on my behalf. I've heard of it being done at my previous unit but not from anyone here. He said that he didn't know but to send a request form to the captain to find out. After a week, the captain wrote back saying he didn't know the policy and to ask the warden.
Last week I received the warden's answer: a firm NO.
Despitethe parole board's statement that supervisor's recommendations are accepted, apparently the warden would rather root out all chances of collusion to the detriment of those of us inmates who have performed well and developed a healthy rapport and sense of respect without supervisors. There really is no reward for working hard as an inmate in this system.
Along with my research into schools to transfer into upon release, I am also reading up on the major that I want to study - architecture - to make sure that it's really what I want to do. One of my goals is a career that allows me to create beautiful, useful things using my creative and mathematical talents in tandem. From what I've read so far, architecture fits that goal well with an aim to create functional buildings that please the senses.
I read a book from the unit library that was a very brief overview of architecture, but it had at the back a list of books for further reading. Not knowing how those books compare, I sent the list home in a letter and asked if someone could look into them to see which were worthwhile. As an extraordinary blessing, my mom ordered some of them as an early birthday present.
Over the past few weeks I've been going through them fairly seriously, taking notes as I read so I retain more, and have a reference to look back on down the road. So far, it's been mostly basics and how to consider existing architecture with a critical mindset, but from flipping through the other books, I think I will get a decent foundation of knowledge. In any case, I'm learning - and that's a good thing.
I learned today that the shower crew move is not going to happen. I went to the lieutenant's office to comment on a grievance I had written and as I was leaving, I asked how soon we night be moved. He replied that he had tried hard to make it happen, but the higher-ups had rejected his idea. Instead, they want to put two shower crew in each dorm. I doubt that would work well because the dorm janitors in each dorm already don't do their job, which in turn makes our job harder.
As much as I would have liked to move, it's not a big deal that we're staying put. It was surprising and flattering, that I was asked to help create it in the first place. The other guys have poked fun that I am respected more by the third shift guards (our shower crew supervisors). It's just been hard work and respect from me that has put me in their favor. If the other guys would not mouth off and would do their assigned job, they would build some rapport with the guards. Instead, they shirk their duties at every opportunity and hurl insults for no reason.
Over the past few days I have felt under attack by doubts. God is obviously at work around me with the shower crew move pending, the worship team, and playing games with the guys in the dorm. I just don't feel close to Him right now and seeing the negative activity around me and the constant complaining makes it difficult for me to see God's hand in it all.
I have been reading a chapter of Frederick Buechner's collection of sermons, Secrets in the Dark, each night. His messages are always bittersweet, recgnition of our own failings mixed with the hope of love and life with our Lord. To know that I'm not the only one who goes through mind games with myself to confuse my deepest beliefs is a consolation.
I will be sticking it out and pursuing a deeper relationship. The environment around me doesn't help, but I deal with it. With God's help.
Today was the first time I helped lead worship during our chapel service. I wasn't nervous at all, but we did some songs I wasn't quite used to yet. Despite the bumps, we praised with a joyful noise. I would like to get to a place where the music I play is not a stumbling block in any way for the rest of the guys.
It's great being a part of a group of guys who have joy and patience with my playing. Instead of looks of disappointment, all I saw were smiles on their faces. This encouraging group makes it much easier to feel in place and play for God instead of worrying about messing up. With some more practice, I should be able to minimize the flaws so everyone in the room can praise in the same way.
