(Note: This entry was originally written on 9/10/08.)
Man, I've got to get out of here. Every now and then I have days where the longing for the familiarity of friends and home is overwhelming. I feel like the kid that hid from Mom in the clothing rack while shopping and now can't seem to find even the hem of her dress to hold on to."Paging the real world. I am a lost boy without a way home."
Today the feeling began before I woke up. I had a dream about spending a normal day with C. and a couple of friends. We were doing all those things you take for granted when you are free: walking the campus, playing in the park, getting a bite to eat at that killer sandwich shop with the fashionably vegetarian offerings.
Waking up was a slap to the cerebrum - you are not free in your tiny white-walled existence shared with nine other men.
The feeling continued when a movie aired on TV that was a close replica of the relationship I shared with C. before I entered prison. Down to the quirks and dress of both the guy and girl characters, I was reminded of what is past.
I want to escape the colorless so I can be free to be me. I need my real peers, the one-maybe-two-steps-from-becoming-full-fledged-adult college crowd, to poke fun at my foibles and to motivate me to be more.
Around here I am treated as some kind of eccentric genius. I fit neither term.
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