At chapel this evening the guest was a music professor from a local university who brought an oboe, clarinet, English horn, soprano sax, alto sax, and flute. While the worship team played, he played different instruments and did riffs off whatever we played, completely unrehearsed.After the worship team had played, the professor played a number of songs on his own as we meditated on the lyrics. Usually I love the sound of the oboe. The film The Mission made me fall in love with its playful timbre. But tonight I was blessed most by the songs played on the flute, especially the first song he did, Lamb of God by Twila Paris.
My mom plays (or played; I don't know if she still picks it up) the flute and I remember hearing songs of hers when I was growing up. It wasn't often. Every now and then she had a piece she would be practicing for church. She also loves Twila Paris' music and it would ring through the house all the time when I was a kid. Hearing both of them - flute and Twila Paris - together, I couldn't help thinking about my mom.
I made sure to tell the professor how much his music blessed me and why. He told me he was glad that God worked through him and to pass on to my mom what happened. I sure will.
* "Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands" - Psalm 100:1 (KJV)
Today was the first practice I've had for the worship team. Now the tips of my fingers on my left hand are nearly raw and quite sore. That's the penalty for not playing for two years.
Even though I was a bit rusty, all the chords came back to me pretty quickly and the other guys were very forgiving. None of us are professionals by any measurement, but we lift a joyful noise. There were many times I just sang along, though I knew most of the songs on the guitar already.
Because I have finals on Wednesday when the chapel service is held, I won't be playing then. About halfway through practice I handed the guitar over to another guy so he could get some good time in. It is so great to be playing with these guys who love Christ and encourage one another. Such a better atmosphere than the dorm with all its profanity, insults and plain disrespect.
A couple of weeks ago I was approached by one of the guitarists on the worship team and asked to join as another guitarist. This guy, Barbie, was leaving soon, knew I used to lead worship on the outside and wanted me to take over his position. I told him that I had classes during chapel until the end of the month, but could practice with them until the classes finished if they needed me. In the next week I had several more guys ask me whether I was going to join. Last week I sent a request to the chaplain to take over the guitarist position and told him about my previous experience leading worship prior to my incarceration. In the time it took me to receive an answer, both of the guitarists left the unit. Now I had no way of smoothly transitioning into the choir if I was allowed to join.
Today I received word from the chaplain that he would bring me on to practice for a couple weeks before putting me in during chapel service. That was good news and a relief. Not only have I not played with the worship team at all, but I also have not even touched a guitar since being arrested two years ago. Right now I'm excited to be used by God leading the music, but nervous about getting back in so quickly.
* "Without worship, we go about miserable." - A. W. Tozer
Today was the last class for World Religions. We took our final test and I felt pretty good about it. I was almost coasting through it because we had covered the material two days earlier. I haven't had an academically challenging class since the philosophy class I took in August. I did learn some cool stuff in this class, though, and I picked up a few interests that I'll be looking into more. I'm already reading more meditation practices and I'm hoping to up on the Dead Sea Scrolls and a couple other things down the road.
Tonight at chapel, one of my grandparents' friends came to play guitar and speak to us about his time in federal prison back in the 70's. He was very engaging and funny. The songs he played sounded straight out of the 70's and could have been done by Dylan, Carole King or Willie Nelson. They were pretty catchy, too. I think the things he had to say were actually absorbed by the guys. Some of his stories were captivating for sure. I had already read his book and was really excited to meet him in person. I'm looking forward to reading some more of his stories and sharing our Christ walk through correspondence.
At chapel tonight we had a professional musician who played jazz riffs on flute, oboe, tenor and soprano sax, and clarinet over the songs done by the inmate choir. It was so refreshing to hear beautiful music. My eyes teared up a few times and it was tough to sing. God sure has created some amazing sounds. I haven't felt that way about music in a while. I really wish we could listen to music in here.
A couple weeks ago we studied Buddhism in the World Religions class. I thought some of their practices sounded useful in gaining focus, so I asked the profes
sor if he could recommend some books along those lines. I passed the titles on to my aunt during a visit and they (the books) showed up today. I'm curious ro learn more and maybe use some of their practices with a focus on Christ. Lately my normal prayer routine just hasn't felt right, so I want to find some new ways and also learn to just be quiet and listen for His still, small voice. I am excited to see how God shows up in my pursuit.
Today I went to see the chaplain. I put in a request a few days ago to talk through and pray about the attempted suicide (see blog entry 10/22/08.) I'm not having trouble going to sleep anymore, but I wanted to have someone to pray with me. I've met the chaplain before during chapel services and chatted with him afterward, but I haven't really gotten to know him or vice versa. I told him about my history and everything I was doing before I came to prison, then talked through the attempted suicide and how well I knew the guy. Before I left, we had a short prayer together. While I wanted to come in to pray for the guy, the chaplain focused completely on me.
It was really good for me to talk through things with someone other than an inmate in my dorm. I don't know why it took me so long to get to know the chaplain, but I'm glad I did. I'm hoping to get into the Bible study he's starting next month. I've learned a lot already, yet I know God has more that He wants to show me.
Tonight's chapel service wasn't all too nurturing for me. The songs' lyrics didn't seem to fit me well right now ("I'm accepted, you were condemned...". I'm not really very accepted right now seeing as how I'm locked up away from the world.) The message was geared toward non-Christians about the dangers of not accepting the Gospel and Christ into their lives. I've been through the acceptance of Christ and have no intentions of turning away from that relationship.
In my personal reading I'm in the middle of Job. I read through Job about a year ago and got some encouragement out of it as I commiserated with him in his circumstances of misfortune. Now, a year later, I'm tired of the suffering and really don't want to dwell on it any longer. Through the day I experience joy and use this journal to vent frustrations. I feel like I'm just in a never-ending mud football game and haven't had the chance to get away from all the scheming to wash off and return to life.
Job, I may not have fallen as far as you, but I'm with you, bro. I'm just as sick of suffering as you are.
"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
Job 2:10
Tonight we had the first chapel service that I've been to since I've been at this unit. All the previous services were unannounced and I was at recreation every time. A few days ago a flyer went up in the dorms from the new chaplain that announced a weekly service on Wednesday mornings.
I was the only guy from my dorm to go, but I was encouraged to see about 75 guys when I arrived mid-song. It was great to sing praise with fellow Christians for the first time in months. Without much singing in the recent past our voices didn't sound great. It may have been just noise, but it was joyful noise. SO cool.
The message was great, too. At my last unit the guy that organized chapel and gave the messages did so in a very elementary and watered down style that I found almost insulting, but this chaplain offered some thoughts to chew on. He spoke about our indifference toward God and His calling. I think I still struggle sometimes with just plain ignoring God or taking God for granted, so I found the message challenging.
I'm really excited about being able to come together with other Christians again and agreeing with God. It's a desolate place in which we live and the brothers around me are an encouragement as we spur each other on toward Christ.
"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."
- Hebrews 10:24
