(Note: this entry was originally written on 9/11/08)
Yesterday in Philosophy class the professor was talking about how religion and philosophy differ and he was really groping for the right buttons to push before someone spoke out against him. Though I haven't had good intellectual debate in a while, I gave it a go.
The professor had said all religion is bad because it relies on a foundation that may not and probably does not exist. I asked him, "If you don't find religion compelling enough to believe in, where do you find purpose in your life? Why keep living?"
"I find purpose in gaining knowledge, power, and sharing knowledge with others," he replied.
"If you're lucky you'll live 100 years. Then why will any of that matter when you are dead and have long become worm food?"
"It helps my kids and their kids and so on."
"So, you're just gone with your last hope before you die that your descendants will be better off with your instruction?"
"Yeah, and therefore improve the world."
We had several other exchanges on the problem of evil, energy, and the soul, and other topics. A guy later got confused in the lecture and remarked,"I'm lost."
The professor said, "Talk to him (meaning me.) He'll tell you about Jesus."
At the end of class I stayed behind to tell the professor that I deeply respected him and really looked forward to the remainder of the session. He gave me a look like he wasn't looking forward to the having the outspoken young squirt in standing front of him in his class.
(Note: This entry was originally written on 9/10/08.)
Man, I've got to get out of here. Every now and then I have days where the longing for the familiarity of friends and home is overwhelming. I feel like the kid that hid from Mom in the clothing rack while shopping and now can't seem to find even the hem of her dress to hold on to."Paging the real world. I am a lost boy without a way home."
Today the feeling began before I woke up. I had a dream about spending a normal day with C. and a couple of friends. We were doing all those things you take for granted when you are free: walking the campus, playing in the park, getting a bite to eat at that killer sandwich shop with the fashionably vegetarian offerings.
Waking up was a slap to the cerebrum - you are not free in your tiny white-walled existence shared with nine other men.
The feeling continued when a movie aired on TV that was a close replica of the relationship I shared with C. before I entered prison. Down to the quirks and dress of both the guy and girl characters, I was reminded of what is past.
I want to escape the colorless so I can be free to be me. I need my real peers, the one-maybe-two-steps-from-becoming-full-fledged-adult college crowd, to poke fun at my foibles and to motivate me to be more.
Around here I am treated as some kind of eccentric genius. I fit neither term.
(Note: This journal entry was originally written on 9/09/08.)
I came back to the dorm from school at 8 this evening and, to my surprise, the TV was turned off. Hallelujah! I wondered why and the guys said it was because satellite was being hooked up. Oh no!
There are already arguments over what show gets watched with the five channels we had. Imagine the flare-ups when we have more possibilities. I would rather they keep the old channels or take the TV out completely.
Too bad my wishes vanished into thin air around 9:30. A guy in civilian clothes came in to set up the new channels with a remote and was gone in a matter of seconds. Waiting for the TV to self-program, the guys sat around speculating on the great new channels and shows we would get.
The TV sparked to life and the speculation was over. We now have less channels than before, but more movies and football - the main argument starters. Oh boy.
So, here's a routine night as a worker on the shower crew:
Around 10:45, after the first unit roster count for the night, the shower crew boss of the night shows up at the dorm to pull the eight of us out. We share the same dorm, eating and doing most things together. Don't let me fool you, though; we only have just enough camaraderie to get the job done.
When we get outside the dorm and into the hallway, we split into teams of two. My usual partner is a guy from Killeen we call Tex. After getting our bucket of supplies - two scrub pads, state-made Comet, stainless steel shine, and a few towels - we set off to our pre-determined dorms of our choosing, kind of like the shotgun game. Whoever calls a dorm first, gets it.
Upon entering the dorm, we say our "wahzzup"'s and head to the the back to fill our buckets with hot water. Sometimes the water is a little too hot to mix, which gives us more time to talk with friends int the dorm.
After the water is mixed with the weak Comet, we get to scrubbing. Each dorm has four shower stalls made of stainless steel. We scrub every part that shines - or should shine - even the ceilings. Once the showers are scrubbed, we wipe them dry with a towel and follow up with the stainless steel cleaner on a rag. The stainless steel shine has a scent like diesel and is applied like Pine-Sol, wiped over every surface for a spotless shine.
It certainly is not the most glamorous job, cleaning the soap scum and man scum left from regular shower use and extracurriculars. Most nights we don't even get gloves. As long as we use those chemicals I'm not too concerned. I get clean when I get back to my dorm.
I just like moving around the unit and seeing guys I usually can't talk with. The extra cups of coffee aren't bad, either. There's even talk among the guards that we'll be getting an extra johnny sack after we finish each night.
Once 
we finish the dorms and have the showers inspected, the shower boss strip searches us and we return to our dorm. Each night we complete a whole wing of eight dorms - two for each duo and four showers apiece. Back at the dorm, I clean up then put together a meal with Tex and Ramirez. A prison pizza is a great cap to the night.
Tonight at work I cleaned showers in a dorm that had a couple of friends inside. I had brought a book and magazine for one guy, Jordan, who I worked with on the hoe squad at my last unit. While I was scrubbing the shower with my co-worker I has some good conversation going with Jordan, too. He also made a cup of cocoa coffee in return for the book delivery and clean shower stalls. That makes for a good night of work - coffee in one hand, scrub pad in the other and gabbing out the mouth.
When I left my dorm to go to work I had the book and magazine tucked in my sock under my pant leg without a noticeable bulge. For the first time since I started working two months ago, the guard decided to do a pat search. The guard for the night was a young Hawaiian woman who was usually pretty cool. When she approached me to pat me down, I backed up and told her that I had a package on my leg. Disbelieving me, she told me to step forward and started to pat me down. When her hand hit the magazine on my calf she jumped back and started laughing.
"I thought you were kidding," she said, and asked where I was taking them. After telling her, she let me go. That cup of mocha was worth it.
Today I had my first exam in Philosophy. Our task was to write explain Plato's Cave and Republic and how Nietzsche's philosophy was a result and extension of Plato. Oh yeah, also tell why democracy is the worst form of government. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I disagre
e with much of what the professor teaches. But I've got to get a grade, so I'll put sugar on every word I write for him.
We were told that the exam should take eight to ten pages to write out. The material we read and discussed was a lot of repetition, so I figured I could whittle it down some. Also, I am terse almost to a fault. When I finished writing, reread, and was satisfied with my product I had only used four pages That amount seemed awfully short. After class I asked a couple of guys how much they had put on paper. "Six pages" was the reply. Mine wasn't too short but I'm curious to see how I'm graded. I know I got all the material in.
Well, I wasn't asleep but I was coming awfully close during the oddly scheduled Philosophy class today. We spent the day going over Plato's philosopher state and reviewing for our test that we will take on Monday. I don't know why this guy likes the structures of government put forth by Plato or Nietzsche.
With human nature being what it is, there isn't a perfect way to organize government. Even the U.S. has its faults.
Our test is going to cover Plato and Nietzsche and how the latter made sense of the former's ideas. More than any class I've ever taken before, I'm going to have to completely set aside my own opinions and answer the way this professor would want. I would assert my own opinions but I'd rather get a good grade than make a point to a professor who thinks he is always right.
