You've Got Talent!

Today was a lot of fun, more than I've had in a long time. The population put on a talent show for a few staff judges and a crowd of inmates. And somehow I wound up performing Elvis.
One of the ladies that works in the mailroom is a die-hard Elvis fan and had a few guys do one of his songs for the talent show last year. The same guys were supposed to play this year, but backed out. I noticed the mailroom lady looking kind of down one day when I picked up periodicals for the library. When I found out about the other guys backing out, I told her that I would sing and play guitar. If she could get me chords and lyrics to a song, I would talk to the organizer about filling the empty spot.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been going to choir practice to borrow a guitar to play in the hallway, working on getting "Return to Sender" down pat. To make the performance more interesting, I made a cape and scarf with letters in gold glitter scripts spelling "Elvis Presley". Today the mailroom lady brought huge gold sunglasses and glue-on sideburns. After that little bit of work, I was ready.

Most of the twenty acts for the talent show were rap songs with the exact same beat, but there were a few original R & B performances and some truly terrible covers of country and rock songs.

When it came time for me to go on I gathered some guys to act as shields to hide me from the audience while I crept up to the microphone. Once everything was set I signaled the guys to split away to leave me there, back to the audience, arms forming a "Y". I slowly spun to face the applause - and I hadn't done anything yet.


After a short intro, I belted "Return to Sender" in my best Elvis voice. It must have been alright because, by the time I finished, about half the audience was standing and clapping. I took off my sunglasses, patted my forehead, and walked over to the judges before tossing the scarf to the mailroom lady, who screamed and twirled it in the air.

As I passed the assistant warden going offstage, he just smiled and shook his lowered head.