Over the past few days I have felt under attack by doubts. God is obviously at work around me with the shower crew move pending, the worship team, and playing games with the guys in the dorm. I just don't feel close to Him right now and seeing the negative activity around me and the constant complaining makes it difficult for me to see God's hand in it all.

I have been reading a chapter of Frederick Buechner's collection of sermons, Secrets in the Dark, each night. His messages are always bittersweet, recgnition of our own failings mixed with the hope of love and life with our Lord. To know that I'm not the only one who goes through mind games with myself to confuse my deepest beliefs is a consolation.

I will be sticking it out and pursuing a deeper relationship. The environment around me doesn't help, but I deal with it. With God's help.